I am sitting at Daniel's island countertop clumsily plodding my way through my most recent draft of my manuscript, but really all I want to do is pop ALIAS Season 3 into the DVD player and get lost in watching Jennifer Garner kick bad person @ss.
Incidentally, I have been watching so much ALIAS in the past few weeks, I now have a false sense of my own bad person @ss kicking abilities. I truly believe I can out run, out kick, out punch, out smart, and even out shoot (if I had to!) any opponent ... just from watching Jennifer Garner's character do so so many times. My delusion is further perpetuated by the fact that I kicked Daniel's butt in mountain biking the other day. Never mind the fact that he hurt his back so badly that three days later he is still having trouble just walking. Lately I am feeling invincible.
I should use these feelings of invincibility to my advantage. Like train for a marathon maybe. Or hey, here's a thought: FINISH MY FREAKING BOOK.
Somehow, however, whenever I sit down to make changes in my manuscript my mind wanders. I get distracted. I procrastinate. The best I can manage to do is burn through a chapter or two each day. I am unemployed! I have copious amounts of free time. Finishing my book should be no problem! It should be my number one or two priority.
The problem (I think) is that during my last read-through of the manuscript, I made a lot of redline corrections. I slashed pages and pages of terrible writing and made a note to add a few chapters and some more twists and turns so that the plot wasn't so terribly boring. I am also toiling with the idea of changing the manuscript from third person to first person. I'm thinking the plot would work better in first person, however that's a huge undertaking on my part. (This is where a writing assistant would come in handy.) I think I have realized there's more work ahead of me than I thought there was ... and now I'm dragging my feet.
The thing is, it's all really up to me. I can use my free time to my advantage, or I can sit here and loaf around. Looking for jobs at this point is a necessary evil. I have to apply for jobs in order to receive unemployment compensation. However, it's futile for me to be applying for anything apparently because no company in California seems to be interested in a writer/ex-case manager/ex-drug counselor/ex-legal assistant/ex-admin person.
It seems to me that all I have going for myself right now (professionally speaking) in this economy is my writing. So what the hell is my problem? What the hell am I doing?
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