A little at a time

Some people like to sleep in bed alone. I prefer having Daniel there with me. Originally it took some adjusting. Getting used to, maybe. Having someone in the bed with me every night certainly wasn't usual. At first there were nights when I would barely sleep because every time he moved, I would wake. The other day I noticed that we slept a solid six hours with his arms wrapped around me and his knees curled up into the back of my knees.

I know tonight will be weird -- sleeping without Daniel. I think I'm procrastinating crawling into bed despite the fact that I'm noticeably tired.

Daniel left for Arizona today. He got a job with Aerospace Company Z in the Phoenix area. I am left behind to wrap things up before I join him out there. This summer has been an emotional roller coaster for me -- on the professional level. I lost my unemployment compensation at the beginning of the month after having had it for a mere six months. I had no idea I could lose my benefits. I assumed everyone got a maximum of 99 weeks with all the extensions that had been filed over the last few months and years.

Though congress passed the most recent unemployment extension this week, I still have no idea if I'm eligible for an extension.

As soon as I lost my unemployment benefits, I gave notice to my landlord. I have been moving out of my apartment for the duration of this month. A little at a time. I go where Daniel goes because, basically, he takes care of me. I am not proud of that fact.

I am hoping that I'll find a job once I get out to Arizona. I have friends and connections out there and because of that am somewhat optimistic that the job market will be better one state away.

Since I lost my benefits, I have been consumed with packing up my place, selling anything I can on Craigslist for cash, and hoarding as much money as possible. Little headway has been made in writing my novel. Really, there's no end in sight for me. Once I join Daniel in Arizona we will be busy settling into our apartment and I'll be busy looking for a job. Hopefully soon I'll get some reprieve. Or just a tiny amount of downtime so I can get back to editing my manuscript. A little at a time.

I got got got got no time

For someone who is unemployed, I feel as though I do not have enough time in the day these past few days.

I have been collaborating with a friend for the past few weeks as she's been starting up a business. I agreed to help her out with her business website - handle the writing and some aspects of social media. Since I got back from Mexico I've been working on the website here and there. As the ideas continue to start coming to me, I continue to spend more and more time honing the website. On Sunday I spent the majority of my day formatting the website, doing some writing, and setting up social media tools. I was up until 1 a.m. The beginning of this venture is going to require the most work -- us figuring out what we need to put on the web site (probably through trial and error). Once we have everything figured out, it will just be a matter of maintaining. Writing is easy for me and it's what I love to do, so this has been an exciting time for me.

That being said, I have finished my novel. I am in the process of rereading once more to make any more revisions it might need, and then I'm ready to have others peek at it and give me feedback. I'm finding as I read through the prologue and the first few chapters that I'm making more revisions than I imagined there would be. Then again, I'm not sure I'll ever be satisfied with my writing. My cousin recently published a book. He had it self-published at one of those web sites that offers publish on demand, which means his book will never be carried in a Barnes and Noble or a Borders. He mentioned to me that he got rejection letter after rejection letter, and finally he decided to self-publish. This is not a story that gives me hope.

Last week I noticed on the California Unemployment web site that Microsoft is handing out a limited number of vouchers for certification in several Microsoft Programs. The program is called Elevate America. On Monday I drove to the Career Transition Center near my house with Driver's License and Proof of Social Security in hand, ready to receive my free vouchers.

I arrived and stood in line behind 10 people before I was able to fill out a form simply to 'register' with the CTC (a requirement to receive the vouchers). Once my name was finally called, I was brought back to a row of cubicles to begin the registration process with a woman named Tala. She took one look at my social security card and told me it wasn't an approved form of identification. Despite the fact that right on the card stub was printed: this is proof of your social security number. Tala advised me to drive to the social security office five minutes away, register to get a new card, come back with my print out and my birth certificate in hand, and then she would be able to finalize the registration process. Tala mentioned that I needed to be back to the office by 11 a.m., or I would have to start the process all over again the following day.

I wanted to stab Tala in the eye.

I drove to the SS Office, which was on my way home anyway. When I arrived there twenty minutes before the office opened, there was a line of at least 40 people snaking around the side of the  building all the way to the back.

I decided to forgo waiting in line. I went home feeling very defeated. On a whim I decided to sift through my rolling wicker four-drawer dresser hoping to unearth my social security card (where I used to keep it years ago. I wasn't positive I'd brought it with me to California.) Within minutes I had found my social security card. I returned to the CTC with my driver's license, SS card, passport, and birth certificate. (Just in case!)

I walked straight into Tala's cubicle, handed her my social security card, and within two minutes she had registered me. I was then passed along to a career counselor where I again needed to show my social security card. After an hour long counseling session, I was signed up to come back to the CTC from 3:30 to 5 p.m. that afternoon to listen to a presentation on the vouchers; a requirement before I could receive them.

The voucher demonstration only took an hour, and I left the CTC for the third time that day with five vouchers in my hand: Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Access, and Outlook.

After a bit of procrastinating I started the on-line training sessions yesterday. I didn't get very far. Apparently, I need Microsoft Office 2007 to effectively complete the training sessions. On the three computers that Daniel and I collectively share, not one of them contains Microsoft Office 2007 software. So now it looks as though I'm going to have to buy the software in order to complete the online tutorials before I can take the exams and become certified through Microsoft.

I swear this is something the CTC and the EDD website failed to mention in their advertisement for the program. I need to have all exams completed by June 6 when the vouchers expire. That means I will be dedicating the next couple of weeks to Microsoft.

And I guess whenever I have the time, I'll have to squeeze in some job searching here and there.

Some loose ends

• This morning I stepped on the scale and sigh my weight remained the same. Actually I was a full half a pound heavier than the lightest I've been in ... well, years. Then I took off Daniel's oversized sweatshirt and my long sleeve shirt. Triumph! I was a full two pounds lighter. I contemplated how much lighter I would be if I took off my pants and underwear but was satisfied enough with the two-pound reduction to walk away from the scale and go make myself some hot chocolate made with whole milk and garnished with cool whip.

• Last night I was gloating to Daniel about how clear my face was looking. Verbatim this is what I said: I don't remember the last time I had a zit. His response? I know! Your face actually looks good!

• I will be enrolling Daniel in adult manners classes as soon as I can find them. Apparently he once told his sister-in-law that he could tell she had gained weight and that she actually looked good. The woman promptly burst into tears. To this day Daniel still does not know what was wrong with that statement and why she took it so badly. Maybe an adult manners course would be inappropriate. Maybe he needs a common courtesy course with the underlying theme of how not to insult a woman when talking to her? Oh. And I woke up this morning with a zit near my mouth.

• Daniel's friend at Aerospace Company S responded. Daniel's prediction was wrong. Darryl told Daniel to send him my resume and a good word because a good word from someone on the inside goes a long way.

• Last week I applied for two federal government positions of the same nature but different pay grades. While I was filling out the online forms and answering the job-related questionairres, I realized I was substatially less qualified for the higher pay grade job and decided to apply for both. Yesterday I got an email with my results and rank. High pay grade: 83. Lesser pay grade: 96. I'm hoping that my ranking number is out of 100 instead of, say, 200. If it is 83 and 96 out of 100, I'm hoping that my 96 and the fact that I'm a woman can carry me into the interview process. I would really be golden if I was ex-military and/or spoke another language. Damnit.

• Cody hasn't attempted to contact me since our big lunch blowout. I wonder if he's realizing he was an ass? Perhaps he thinks I was overreacting.

Goodbye, hello

I've been putting off picking up my dry cleaning, but unfortunately it's inching toward the disclaimer day where the dry cleaning company I use is no longer responsible for the clothes I dropped off. Right before I lost my job, I dropped off two items for cleaning and repair. I'm considering leaving the dress and coat there and saving $20. I have so many dresses and coats, will I really even notice two are missing? Goodbye clothes. Goodbye dry cleaning.

Back in October when my department began doing lay offs I got scared. The first lay off occurred the day before a scheduled hair appointment with Sarah at Bob Roy Salon in Manhattan Beach, who I've been faithfully seeing since I moved to California. I'd been highlighting my hair blonde for more years than I could remember, but that Wednesday when I sat in Sarah's chair; I solemnly asked her if she would dye my hair back to it's natural color. She eyed me suspiciously and asked if Daniel was behind my request. (Daniel always used to tell me I'd look better as my natural self and Sarah knew this.) Quite frankly, I would have rather have been dying my hair back to its natural color for Daniel than in anticipation of losing my job. I knew that very soon I wouldn't be able to afford the $250 I was shelling out every other month for blonde hair. That Wednesday when I went back to my roots, I decreased my bill by $80. At the time, I had no idea that when I eventually did lose my job I'd be in the pits of financial despair that I'm now in. I never pictured having to give up salon cuts and color. (That's what credit cards are for, right?) Goodbye, Sarah. (Hope to see you again some day.) Hello, Clairol.

Going without luxuries

Here's a list of things that I've either eliminated or mostly cut out of my life since I lost my job:

1. $4 lattes at Starbucks/other coffee shops. Occasionally I do still go to Starbucks, but this is only because I have two gift cards that I now use sparingly.
2. Baskin Robbins/Cold Stone Creamery/other ice cream shops. It's not like I frequented these stores on a regular basis, but I never thought twice about shelling out $5 for cup of ice cream before. Now I can't rationalize spending that kind of money when I can buy an entire half-gallon of Breyer's ice cream on sale at Von's for $1.99!
3. Using credit cards. I haven't touched one since I lost my job (other than to make a monthly payment). I spent my entire 20's living beyond my means and I'm not willing to do that anymore.
4. Manicures/pedicures/eyebrow wax. I used to get these services on a monthly basis if not more frequently. Grand total for a mani-pedi-wax at the cheapest Korean nail place I could find was $30-something without tip. I have to admit that this one kills me the most. I think I could give up Starbucks if I could keep mani-pedi-waxing on a regular basis. And I used to go to Starbucks almost every day!
5. The spa. Whoa is me. This one is tough to go without. I used to go to Burke Williams spa in Orange once a month for a facial or deep tissue massage. As I sit and write this, I have an uncomfortable knot in my lower back above my left glute muscle. The knot has been there all week. Sadly I can't afford to spend $180 to have Jason, my massage therapist, knead the knot out from my back. When I asked Daniel to use his elbow on it, he elbowed me so hard I thought he was going to push his elbow out through my stomach. Personally, I think he did this so I'd never again ask him for a massage...
6. Going out to eat (unless it's McDonald's dollar menu, someone else that is employed has offered to pay, or I have a giftcard). Same goes for going to movies and shopping of any kind other than grocery store shopping, Wal-mart, or the drug store.
7. Buying books. The impact of this has yet to hit me because over the last few years I've taken to buying books in mass quantities and have at least 30 books on my bookshelf that I have yet to read. Someday, however it will pain me to not be able to buy books. Yes, there's the library. But in an obsessive-compulsive sort of way, I refuse to read a book unless I own it. I like to be able to look back to my bookshelf and see what I've read. And sometimes you just need to refer to a passage in one of your books and you can't do that if you read library books unless you want to go down to the library to browse the book.
8. Cooking/baking. Food/baking items have become a luxury I just can't afford anymore. This makes me very bitter. I used to use baking as therapy. Upset? Stressed? Time to make some pies! A few hours later I would have four made-from-scratch pies sitting on my kitchen table. I know if I really wanted to make something Daniel would cart my Kitchen-aid mixer over to his place, and he'd  buy me the ingredients, and I could make pies or cookies or bars or anything. But Daniel doesn't like sweets, and part of the enjoyment of baking is seeing someone's reaction when they bite into what you've made. In the past, my coworkers were the joyful recipients of my baking adventures. Now that I lost my job, I have no one to feed. And that's rather sad in and of itself.

First (a few things)

First off, let me explain some things to you. I think I've been taking this whole unemployment thing in stride considering the great state of California is probably the worst place to be unemployed. Ever.

1. I knew I was getting laid off. I wasn't supposed to know, but I knew.

I used to work in Admin for Aerospace Company X who contracts with Aerospace Company Y and is working on a pretty major project in aerospace technology. It was a contract position. My contract was for a year. Or until work ran out, which could be less or more than a year. I had always been pulling for more.

Right before our three week mandatory shutdown for the holidays, my boss, The Talking Head, informed us in a meeting that the budget was looking good. (The budget had not been looking good since sometime back in October.) He estimated that everyone in our department would be able to keep their job until March. My department (of about 25 employees) glanced warily around the room at each other because The Talking Head has no idea what he's talking about. Ever. And that is a known fact within my department and other departments, too.

Oddly, I felt a sense of relief knowing my job would last until March. (A full year!!) I didn't know it then, but I should not have taken The Talking Head at his word. The day that we got back to work after three weeks off with no pay, my friend and coworker texted me and said, Did you hear there are going to be more lay offs? I figured I wasn't on the list if he was texting me. This was the third wave of lay offs since October and every time there had been a lay off I had been on the inside of the information. Every time I knew it was happening and I knew I wasn't on the list. I'm really sorry, he'd said. Rumor is that you are on the list. And I was.

2. I was in bed with my boyfriend when I found out.

Not that kind of 'in bed.' Daniel and I met at Aerospace Company X. We have been dating approaching a year now, I guess. Daniel had plans to stay with me for two weeks after we got back from the holiday shut down. Shift start time at Aerospace Company X for most employees is 5 a.m. I always got there at 4 a.m. Daniel usually arrived around 5 a.m., sometimes later than that. While Daniel would be staying with me, we decided to compromise and arrive at 4:30 because we were going to carpool. I was looking forward to being able to zip to work and back using the carpool lane. Though we'd been dating for months, this was the second time we'd carpooled. Normally we both just drove separately. Ohmigod, I'd said to Daniel when I read the text from my coworker. I'm getting laid off tomorrow. I looked at Daniel trying not cry, he's not exactly Mr. Emotional, but I was scared.

I'd never been laid off or fired from any job since I'd started working at the age of 18. Not ever! Any time I had left a job it had been of my own volition and I'd had another job lined up. Not this time. You're sure, he'd asked. You're sure you're getting laid off tomorrow? My coworker had told me it was rumor, but in my heart I knew it was for sure. Don't worry, Daniel promised. I'll hold your hand through this. We'll get through this together. We'll stay in. We'll cook at home. It will be OK. You'll find another job.

I put on a brave face for Daniel that night, and told him I knew I'd be OK. He was proud of me for being so calm and zen-like. Daniel has this philosophy that everything works out for a reason. I sorta have that philosophy, too. I just didn't think that going from making $1600 a week at Aerospace Company X to $475 on unemployment qualified within that philosophy.

3. It's been an adjustment.

I now rake in $1900 a month on unemployment, just over a quarter of what I used to make at Aerospace Company X. Despite the fact that my rent in the lovely state of California is $1200 for a one-bedroom apartment, I'd actually be OK living off of unemployment for awhile if I didn't have credit card payments to make. I don't have a car payment. I'm unemployed so I don't drive anywhere, thus I rarely put gas in my car. Before I was let go, I'd paid my car insurance in full. I had been trying to pay off my credit cards while bulking up my savings because I knew at some point my job would end. I just hadn't thought it would be that soon.

Normally my checking account hovered safely around $3,000. I actually always felt like I had more money than I knew what to do with which was why I didn't hesitate to buy whatever I wanted at the grocery store or pick up the dinner bill when dining someone I knew made less money than I did. Given that I was off work for three weeks with no pay, and it had been the holidays and I had been traveling and buying Christmas presents for everyone (because I could afford it this year!); by the time I got back to work, I had whittled my checking account down to the scary figure of $200.

I knew I was OK, though. I knew by the end of January that my checking account would be back up to the $3,000 mark. That was the plan anyway. The plan did not include getting laid off, for the record.

In the past few weeks, Daniel has been great. He really has. He always pays when we go out to eat (he always did that anyway), but now he buys me groceries. (He makes nearly double what I made at Aerospace Company X.) He gives me coupons. He offered to buy me toilet paper, paper towels, etc., when he takes a trip to Costco to stock up his own place. I got sick and he bought me throat lozenges and $25-a-bottle allergy decongestant. Truly, I don't know what I'd do without Daniel because I no longer spend any unnecessary money. I don't go out. Ever.

I've stopped drinking coffee which is really jarring to my system because I used to go to Starbucks at least five times a week and then to the local coffee shop every Saturday where I would sit and write. I can no longer afford a four-dollar horchata latte. I now drink coffee at home. With half and half Daniel paid for.

4. There's good stuff, too.

My credit cards now (for the first time ever) are completely off limits. I'm 30-years-old and finally learning to live within my means. Once I pay off my debt, I will never get into credit card debt again. I know this. Incidentally, my debt is not unmanageable. It's enough, though, that I don't have money to do anything and I need to withdraw from savings in order to pay my monthly COBRA payment and/or doctor visit co-payments and prescriptions.

I actually moved to California not to work in aerospace (that just sort of fell into my lap and I'm glad it did because for awhile I was making great money and I met Daniel) but because I wanted to be a writer. Before I moved to California, I had mostly finished my first draft of my first novel. I'd been meaning to finish it once I arrived. Inevitably life and having to make a living got in the way. Now I have all the time in the world to finish my novel.

My mom pointed out to me yesterday when I had my first meltdown since I lost my job, that my life, though jobless, is probably less stressful. I thought about it, and she's right. I no longer wake up at 3 a.m. and go to sleep at 7 p.m. I know it sounds horrific, but getting up that early five days a week is actually more horrific than it sounds. I now have tons of time for exercise. (I'm not saying I actually go running or use my three-year gym membership, I'm just saying I have more time for it.) I don't have the stress of dealing with California traffic and/or the commute. I don't have job stress because I don't have a job!

Through this, I believe, Daniel and I have gotten closer. Maybe that was bound to happen anyway over time, but he's extended himself more than he ever has to me, and I'm not sure that would have necessarily happened if I'd still had my job.

5. There's nothing out there.

I've been looking. I mean, I have to. It's required on the back of the form I have to fill out every two weeks and send in to unemployment in order for me to receive my check. I have to document what jobs I've applied for, at what company, with whom I contacted, and the results. (Uh, none or I wouldn't be filling out this form!)

It's not like I wouldn't look anyway. I don't enjoy having a depleted income. I don't enjoy living off the state (even though I've paid into this - oh have I paid into this.)

I had a phone interview for a technology sales company in Arizona. A company where my friend Kayla works and makes an enormous amount of money. Though I know I'd actually be a great saleswoman if given the opportunity; it's not what I really want to do. I want to write. At any rate, thanks to Kayla's diligence the opportunity arose; so I thought I'd give sales a shot. I attacked the interview process with more gusto than I normally attack anything. Maybe the woman I interviewed with could tell I was faking enthusiasm for the job. I don't know. I was almost relieved when I did not get invited for a face-to-face interview. It just didn't feel like the path I should be taking right now.

Other than my one phone interview, I have been perusing job sites and want ads more than I'd like. (I really just want to finish my novel.) I have found for someone with my experience (My resume reads like the starter section of a restaurant menu - lots of choices, cheap prices, arrives quickly - or in my case doesn't stay long in any one low-paying job) that the only jobs out there would be a pay cut by more than $20 an hour less than what I was making at Aerospace Company X. I would actually be making more staying on unemployment which is certifiably depressing. Aerospace jobs are the slimmest they've been since ... probably ever. To make what I was making at Aerospace Company X, apparently I need 6 years of experience or 4 years plus a Master's degree, at other aerospace companies. This is also certifiably depressing. It's not like what I was doing was Rocket Science.