A little at a time

Some people like to sleep in bed alone. I prefer having Daniel there with me. Originally it took some adjusting. Getting used to, maybe. Having someone in the bed with me every night certainly wasn't usual. At first there were nights when I would barely sleep because every time he moved, I would wake. The other day I noticed that we slept a solid six hours with his arms wrapped around me and his knees curled up into the back of my knees.

I know tonight will be weird -- sleeping without Daniel. I think I'm procrastinating crawling into bed despite the fact that I'm noticeably tired.

Daniel left for Arizona today. He got a job with Aerospace Company Z in the Phoenix area. I am left behind to wrap things up before I join him out there. This summer has been an emotional roller coaster for me -- on the professional level. I lost my unemployment compensation at the beginning of the month after having had it for a mere six months. I had no idea I could lose my benefits. I assumed everyone got a maximum of 99 weeks with all the extensions that had been filed over the last few months and years.

Though congress passed the most recent unemployment extension this week, I still have no idea if I'm eligible for an extension.

As soon as I lost my unemployment benefits, I gave notice to my landlord. I have been moving out of my apartment for the duration of this month. A little at a time. I go where Daniel goes because, basically, he takes care of me. I am not proud of that fact.

I am hoping that I'll find a job once I get out to Arizona. I have friends and connections out there and because of that am somewhat optimistic that the job market will be better one state away.

Since I lost my benefits, I have been consumed with packing up my place, selling anything I can on Craigslist for cash, and hoarding as much money as possible. Little headway has been made in writing my novel. Really, there's no end in sight for me. Once I join Daniel in Arizona we will be busy settling into our apartment and I'll be busy looking for a job. Hopefully soon I'll get some reprieve. Or just a tiny amount of downtime so I can get back to editing my manuscript. A little at a time.

Careerkiller.com

Months ago my mom advised me to join Careerbuilder.com in an effort to make my job search easier. She swore that two of her friends, whom had been layed off, had found jobs using Careerbuilder.com. So along with my regular job searches on Monster.com and various company websites, I began browsing my mom's suggestion. Soon after I began browsing, the web site encouraged me to post my resume and create a profile on their web site for easier access to employers searching for employees.

Since I've joined, I have realized two things: 1) no employers search for employees on that web site 2) the only companies that use that web site that want to hire me, actually try to track me down, don't exist. They are scams.

I get no less than two scam emails per day via Careerbuilder.com. (Thank you very much Careerbuilder.com! As if never getting called back for any job that I apply for isn't enough to make me feel worthless, you have now added insult to injury by making me comb through all the fraudulent companies that solicit my services.)

The emails look something like this:

Hi Idiot,
Your online resume indicates that you may be interested in a vacant Clerical Assistant position. It offers $15-20 per hour together with benefits. We will be training this motivated individual to support the Manager for our Engineering firm. Your previous work experience exhibits that you will perform well in this position.
By following the link below, you can view more details and the application for this position:
Clerical Assistant
We are one of the most voluminous thresholds to employment options on the Internet, with thousands of resumes being posted to the Career Network job board each day. You can enhance your job search by making use of our vast database of open positions and easy-to-use layout.
Thank you for your time and interest.
Best Regards,
Cheryl Smith
Human Resources Coordinator
Career Network, Inc., P.O. Box 618305, Orlando, FL 32861-8305

Another example is one of the many work from home dream jobs that seem perfect for me:

Dear Unemployed Loser,
We've found your resume and would like to offer you a Payment Processing Agent position.
This is Jeremy May and I represent Amplitude Group Inc. After carefully reviewing your resume I'm glad to inform you that your skills meet our basic requirements.
Our company is a well known worldwide. We offer our customers Information Technology ser-vices through outsourcing best candidates from all around the world.
Working schedule is a really flexible and can be made convenient to both you and us.
NOTE: Internet and e-mail are required.
There is no participation or any other fees. The company covers all fees in connection with the hire process.
It's possible to work from home and keep in touch using the INTERNET & phone.
After the first 20 days we evaluate whether an employee is ready to work with us permanently. Supervisor can recommend Contract termination after the Probationary Period is over.
The salary for the first 30 days is $2,300 + 8% commission for every completed transaction. Working with a number of permanent customers your end-result could amount to $4500/month. After the Probationary Period monthly wage will be raised to up to $3,000 plus 8% commission. NOTE: After your Probationary Period is over you may ask for additional hours or a full-time employment.
If you are interested in knowing more about this Payment Processing Agent position please fill in a form below with your updated contact information and send it to: may.amplitude.hr@gmail.com
We will contact you within next 48 hours after reviewing your form.
------------------------------------------------FORM-------------------------------------
Full name ______________________

Residence country _____________________

Contact phone ______________________

Availability time _______________________

------------------------------------------------FORM-------------------------------------

We've found your resume at www.careerbuilder.com. This letter confirms that your resume has been duly processed and you meet our basic requirements for the Payment Processing Agent position.
Sincerely yours,
Jeremy May
Amplitude Group Inc.

And finally there are the insurance companies that seem to be voraciously hiring agents because I get emails from them daily:
 

Hopeless,
Our Human Resource Department has kept the resume you posted a while back on file. If you are still looking for a new job we are still interested in speaking with you. If you are not currently looking to change jobs, we would like to keep in touch with you periodically. We believe you are a great candidate for joining a leading company of a recession proof industry. Perhaps at some point in the future you will be interested in seeing what we can offer you.
Farmers is the fastest growing multi-line insurance company in California and is currently filling positions in your area. If you are accepted, Farmers will financially assist you for 2+ years. Farmers will also provide you with proven training and tools so you can successfully manage your agency.
If you are unhappy with your current situation or are looking for a career rather than a job; this is your answer. Below are the average annual incomes for those who manage Farmers agencies (the position you will be applying for).
Average Annual Income
1st YEAR ---- $75,000
3rd YEAR ---- $150,000
5th YEAR ---- $250,000
Hopeless, please apply quickly to ensure the location nearest you is still filling positions. When applying be sure to only apply to the location that is nearest to you as multiple applications will not be considered. To apply now, simply click HERE (or any of the "Apply Now" buttons in this email) and fill out the short online application. After you fill out the online application, a Farmers representative will respond with information about an in-person appointment.
Click here to forward this email to additional candidates that may be interested.
Human Resouces Department

*********************************************************************************
 
Interestingly, here is what I find when I Google Career Network Inc...

Indiana Company Agrees to Settle Charges of Misrepresenting Availability of U.S. Postal Service and Government Jobs


Career Network, Inc. (CNI), based in Crown Point, Indiana, and its principals, Walter Turulis and Kathleen Key, are permanently banned from promoting or selling any employment good or service as part of settlements with the Federal Trade Commission. In addition, the settlement with CNI and Turulis requires them to pay a $25,000 judgment. In April 2001, Kathleen Key entered into a settlement with the FTC that also required her to pay $25,000.

The case against CNI was filed in January 2001 as part of Project "Stamp Out Job Fraud," a joint effort between the FTC and the U.S. Postal Service (USPS) to stop the fraudulent sale of employment services. According to the FTC's complaint, the defendants misrepresented: that postal or government conservation positions were locally and currently available; that consumers were likely to obtain postal or government conservation positions using their materials; and their refund policy. The court issued a temporary restraining order against the defendants, froze their assets, and appointed a receiver over CNI.

The settlements, which required the court's approval, permanently ban the defendants from promoting or selling any employment good or service; engaging in telemarketing; or assisting others in selling employment goods or services or telemarketing in the future. In addition, the settlements prohibit the defendants, in connection with the advertising, promoting, offering for sale or sale of any item, product, good, service, investment opportunity, business opportunity, partnership interest, trust interest or other beneficial interest, from misrepresenting:

That employment positions are available in particular geographic areas;

That consumers who purchase any employment good or service will be able to obtain employment positions;

The salaries and qualifications for any employment position;

The terms of and conditions of refund policies; and

Any material fact regarding any item, product, good, or service sold, or offered for sale.

The settlements also prohibit the defendants from:


Failing to disclose in a clear and conspicuous manner, prior to charging a consumer for any good or service, all material terms, conditions, and limitations of any refund policy;

Violating any provision of the Telemarketing Sales Rule, or assisting others who violate its provisions; and selling their customer lists.

The settlement with CNI and Turulis requires them to pay a $25,000 monetary judgment. The earlier settlement with Kathleen Key also required her to pay a $25,000 monetary judgment. Both settlements contain a "right to reopen" clause that would require the defendants to pay $2 million if it is determined that they made material misrepresentations or omissions in their financial statements. Finally, the settlements contain various recordkeeping and reporting requirements designed to assist the FTC in monitoring the defendants' compliance with their terms.
The Commission votes to authorize the staff to file both proposed stipulated final orders for permanent injunction were 5-0. The settlement with Kathleen Key was entered by the U.S. District Court, Northern District of Indiana, Hammond Division, on April 12, 2001. The CNI/Turulis settlement was filed on October 15, 2001, and entered by the court on October 17.
The FTC reminds those seeking any government job:
Information about job vacancies with government agencies is available for free;

Government agencies never charge an application fee, nor do they guarantee that an applicant will be hired; and

It is deceptive for anyone to guarantee applicants a high score on any required Postal or civil service exam.

In addition, as part of its Consumer Education Campaign, the FTC offers the following Tip-offs to Rip-offs:
Classified ads or oral sales pitches that imply an affiliation with the federal government, guarantee high test scores or jobs, or state that "no experience is necessary."

Ads that offer information about "hidden" or unadvertised federal jobs.

Ads that refer to a toll-free number. Often, in these cases, an operator encourages you to buy a "valuable" booklet containing job listings, practice test questions, and tips for entrance exams.
Consumers can find more information about federal and postal job scams, work-at-home schemes and consumers' credit rights at the FTC's "Making a Buck" Web site, at www.ftc.gov/makingabuck . In addition, the FTC Consumer Alert, " Federal and Postal Job Scams: Tip-Offs to Rip-Offs ," gives consumers the information they need to spot and avoid job scams.
If consumers have concerns about a company's advertisements for employment services, they should contact the FTC's Consumer Response Center, toll-free, at 1-877-FTC-HELP; or visit the FTC's web site at www.ftc.gov. Information about employment opportunities with the federal government is available from the U.S. Office of Personnel Management web site at www.usajobs.opm.gov. In addition, the USPS has published the Test Orientation Guide for Major Entrance Examinations, which is available from the USPS web site at www.usps.com at no charge. This document provides sample exercises and other information to help interested individuals do their best on the major USPS entrance examinations. It also provides accurate information about the USPS selection process and employment requirements, contrary to much of the materials provided by companies engaged in the deceptive marketing of employment services.

NOTE: The Stipulated Final Orders for Permanent Injunction are for settlement purposes only and do not constitute an admission by the defendants of a law violation. The Stipulated Final Orders have the force of law when signed by the judge.
Copies of the settlements, previous documents relating to this case, and a Consumer Alert about Federal and Postal job scams, are available from the FTC's web site at http://www.ftc.gov and also from the FTC's Consumer Response Center, Room 130, 600 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W., Washington, D.C. 20580. The FTC works for the consumer to prevent fraudulent, deceptive and unfair business practices in the marketplace and to provide information to help consumers spot, stop and avoid them. To file a complaint, or to get free information on any of 150 consumer topics, call toll-free, 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357), or use the complaint form at https://www.ftc.gov/ftc/complaint.htm. The FTC enters Internet, telemarketing, identity theft and other fraud-related complaints into Consumer Sentinel, a secure, online database available to hundreds of civil and criminal law enforcement agencies in the U.S. and abroad.

(http://www.ftc.gov/opa/2001/11/careernetwork.shtm)


And:

Report: Career Network Inc

Reported By: (Cedar Rapids Iowa)
careernetworkjobs.com/Career Network Inc Emailed me with a job saying I met initial employment requirements for list Payroll job and to login to the site to complete the application process Orlando Florida
*Consumer Comment... ABC Employment Services
Career Network Inc
P.O. Box 618305
Orlando Florida 32861-8305
U.S.A.
Category: Employment Services
Submitted: Thursday, June 26, 2008
Last posting: Thursday, April 01, 2010
While creating user accounts in search of a job I created a user account yesterday (6/25/08) at careernetworkjobs.com more commonly referred to as Career Network Inc. I found this supposed employment site when I googled for online employment and it came up with the likes of Careerbuilder.com, Monster Jobs etc.
This morning I received the following response (to a payroll position I completed an online application for by submitting a resume):
----------------------------------
From: careers@careernetworkjobs.com [mailto:careers@careernetworkjobs.com]
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 10:06 AM
To: lorieasmith@mchsi.com
Subject: Regarding your application for the Payroll Clerk - $33K Base position.
A recent review of our records indicated that you have applied for the Payroll Clerk - $33K Base position with Career Network Jobs . After reviewing your application we have determined that you meet our initial employment requirements.
If you are still interested in the position please visit our website at: http://career-networkjobs.com/careers2.aspx?email=lorieasmith@mchsi.com&id=careernetworkjobs2nds06262008&jb=400194
When you open the application page you will be asked for a login id. Please use the following login to access the site:
Username: lorieasmith@mchsi.com
Password: smith
After you have logged into the site you will be asked to review and verify the information that we currently have on record. We may require additional information from you in order to more rapidly make a final hiring decision. After a final review of your completed application we will contact you directly.
Regards,
Samantha Murray Human Resources
Career Network, Inc.
P.O. Box 618305
Orlando, Florida 32861-8305
-------------------------------
When I tried to login to the site (http://www.careernetworkjobs.com/) I kept receiving this error:
'Invalid Login
The combination of username and password that you entered is invalid.'
This was when I got suspicious and googled the company and found NO REAL COMPANY information existed for them and that there were many SCAM ALERTS describing this bogus company whom displayed similiar but not alwys the same business name.
Tada here I am on ripoffreport.com feeling like sucker now that someone has my RESUME containing my work history, cell phone, email address and physical address. Thank GOD we don't put any other crucially life damaging information in resumes. But now I know I have to watch for scams with my personal and contact info floating around the world wide web.
THIS SUCKS!
Lorie
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
U.S.A.

(http://www.ripoffreport.com/employment-services/career-network-inc/careernetworkjobs-com-career-n-w5668.htm)


And when I Google Amplitude Group:

Report: Amplitude Group Inc

Reported By: Thad (Lodi California)
United States of America
Amplitude Group Inc AMPLITUDE-GROUP.COM Money Mule Recruiters Internet
...
Amplitude Group Inc
Internet
United States of America
Phone: 718-509-9829
Web Address: AMPLITUDE-GROUPMAIN.TW
Category: Home based business
Submitted: Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Posted: Tuesday, May 04, 2010
They recruit people to launder money through their bank account.

(http://www.ripoffreport.com/home-based-business/amplitude-group-inc/amplitude-group-inc-amplitude-cbe27.htm)

**********************************************************************************

It's a bit disheartening when the only people calling and emailing me regarding my resume are phishermen and women.

Apathy sets in

Yesterday was quite a productive day for me.

I was up at 5 a.m. when Daniel went to work. Around 6 a.m. I drove home. I ate half a box of girl scout cookies for breakfast. Then I went to work.

I've been toiling with changing my hair color. (Daniel insists he can do it for me with the aide of his mother who works as a hair stylist.) So I hopped on the computer and began uploading pictures on Instyle.com where you can snatch celebrity hairstyles right off their heads and and attach them to your face. Sweet. I have been coveting Jennifer Garner and Jennifer Aniston's hair for many years now. (Or maybe it's really their faces I covet...)

Unfortunately my computer connection is slow and moving through the various stages of the 'makeover' process was like watching paint dry. No matter. I have all the time in the world. I spent about 4 hours on my computer yesterday trying to find my next hairstyle, going through photos on my computer, and tooling around on Facebook.

Around 10 a.m. Kelly called and saved me from my virtual makeover obsession. Kelly has been out of the workforce since she graduated college in December of 2001. Since then she got married and has been raising two daughters. Kelly starts her new job tomorrow: lab assistant at an Ethanol plant. She is excited but nervous. I think she's going to do great. I am so excited for her opportunity! In the same breath I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous that she will be working and I will not be working.

As Kelly and I talked, I got dressed and made my way out of my apartment and down to the ocean. Two hours breezed by as I walked and talked. Eventually we got off the phone, and I realized how long I'd been walking and talking. I then also realized how far away I still was from home. My normal fast paced walk had turned into a dawdle about an hour and a half into the walk. By the time I got back home, I'd been walking for 2 hours and 45 minutes. My face was tanned, and I was sweaty.

When I returned home I got back on my computer for more virtual hairstyling. (I truly believe if I had a faster computer connection, I probably wouldn't have spent so much time on the website.)

This is what I meant to do yesterday:

1. go for a walk or something active. (Yay! Achieved!)
2. shower and shave my legs
3. write
4. post on blog
5. clean my apartment
6. bake
7. send in my cobra payment
8. fill out my unemployment form
9. apply for more jobs
10. hop on USA track and field website and figure out exactly how many miles I walked

This is not what I meant to do yesterday:
1. Sit on duff watching TV
2. Sit on duff playing on computer

I am becoming rather apathetic to this whole unemployment thing, and it's not a good quality. On top of the abnormal amount of girl scout cookies I ate for breakfast (though, really, I swear they are smaller in size this year), throughout the rest of the day I ate, two hot dogs (I was starving after my walk), six waffles, and nearly an entire stick of butter. How gross is that? (Though I did wash everything down with five bottles of Dasani. Yay me for drinking more than the recommended amount of water in one day.) Unfortunately I have nothing in my refrigerator besides mass quantities of butter. (I have a major butter compulsion. I cannot pass by butter in the dairy case when it's on sale without grabbing at least two boxes. Butter is expensive! And totally necessary for baking and eating.) No food items in my apartment can really be put together to constitute any type of meal.

Today I plan to do this:

1. grocery shop for baking items (done!)
2. shower and shave legs
3. post on blog (nearly done!)
4. write
5. send COBRA payment
6. stay off Instyle.com and Facebook (so far so good!)
7. walk or something (it's sad that I used to have Olympic dreams and now my only exercise has been reduced to walking)
8. find a job
9. drive to Daniel's house where there's food, water, and someone to keep my hands away from the girl scout cookies!

Karma karma karma karma karma camera!

This autumn something completely unprecedented happened to me when I was in the market to buy a camera: I got it for free!

The camera was the new Samsung dual-view camera, purchase price: $300. I mistakenly got it for free when the company I purchased it from lost their records that I had picked the camera up at the store. (I was doing one of those purchase on the internet, have it shipped to the store dealies.) After a week of having the camera, I got an email from the company saying that my credit card was being refunded for the purchase of the camera and the extended warranty.

I admit, I felt bad about keeping the camera. I toiled with calling the store and telling them to charge my credit card. Telling them I really had picked up the camera! But after thinking about it for awhile, I thought I might sound like a crazy person since they clearly had no record of me picking up the camera. Also, I felt justified in keeping the camera. It was karma finally swinging my way for once.

Last Friday, karma swung the other way.

My best friend since the age of five (Kelly) was here this past weekend for a visit. Let's take tons of pictures! she said as she brought out her camera. I brought mine out, too. I couldn't wait to show her the dual-view feature. I pressed power on my camera and the lens opened. Nothing else happened. Assuming the battery was dead and that after charging the battery I'd be able to close the lens/turn the power on, I charged the battery to no avail. The battery didn't hold a charge. Or there's something wrong with my camera. Either way, the camera needs to be fixed. I can't get the lens to retract.

As it happens, there is a one-year warranty through Samsung. I could send my camera in to be fixed with proof of purchase; only I can't find my receipt. (Yes, I did get a receipt from the store when I picked up the camera.)

Another one of the joys of unemployment: not having money to fix your camera when it's broken.

Un-inspired

The depths of my current state of un-inspiration are immeasurable.

I am sitting at Daniel's island countertop clumsily plodding my way through my most recent draft of my manuscript, but really all I want to do is pop ALIAS Season 3 into the DVD player and get lost in watching Jennifer Garner kick bad person @ss.

Incidentally, I have been watching so much ALIAS in the past few weeks, I now have a false sense of my own bad person @ss kicking abilities. I truly believe I can out run, out kick, out punch, out smart, and even out shoot (if I had to!) any opponent ... just from watching Jennifer Garner's character do so so many times. My delusion is further perpetuated by the fact that I kicked Daniel's butt in mountain biking the other day. Never mind the fact that he hurt his back so badly that three days later he is still having trouble just walking. Lately I am feeling invincible. 

I should use these feelings of invincibility to my advantage. Like train for a marathon maybe. Or hey, here's a thought: FINISH MY FREAKING BOOK.

Somehow, however, whenever I sit down to make changes in my manuscript my mind wanders. I get distracted. I procrastinate. The best I can manage to do is burn through a chapter or two each day. I am unemployed! I have copious amounts of free time. Finishing my book should be no problem! It should be my number one or two priority.

The problem (I think) is that during my last read-through of the manuscript,  I made a lot of redline corrections. I slashed pages and pages of terrible writing and made a note to add a few chapters and some more twists and turns so that the plot wasn't so terribly boring. I am also toiling with the idea of changing the manuscript from third person to first person. I'm thinking the plot would work better in first person, however that's a huge undertaking on my part. (This is where a writing assistant would come in handy.) I think I have realized there's more work ahead of me than I thought there was ... and now I'm dragging my feet.

The thing is, it's all really up to me. I can use my free time to my advantage, or I can sit here and loaf around. Looking for jobs at this point is a necessary evil. I have to apply for jobs in order to receive unemployment compensation. However, it's futile for me to be applying for anything apparently because no company in California seems to be interested in a writer/ex-case manager/ex-drug counselor/ex-legal assistant/ex-admin person.

It seems to me that all I have going for myself right now (professionally speaking) in this economy is my writing. So what the hell is my problem? What the hell am I doing?

The catch-22

Last night after putting $30 worth of gas in my tank and realizing I only had $15 in cash left until God knows when, my mood shifted from fine to terrible. I got home from grocery shopping (Daniel had given me money to go shopping), and Daniel asked what took so long. I had to get gas; apparently so did the rest of Huntington Beach, I said. You should have waited; I was going to fill your gas tank tomorrow, he replied. Yeah, well I needed it tonight, I said in a kind of snarl.

Part of my bad mood I attribute to realizing how little money I had in my wallet; the other part I attribute to the fact that earlier in the day, Daniel had offered to fill my gas tank for me. We drove my car from his place to mine so we could drop his car off at the shop. By the time we got back to Huntington Beach, I really needed to get gas. The $30 worth of gas that I put in my tank didn't even fill my tank.

Daniel's offer to put gas in my tank is like a Catch-22. I really don't have the money to fill my tank. I really wanted Daniel to buy me gas. He sent me grocery shopping at which point I noticed, Damn, I'm really low on gas. The Catch-22 is that I don't want him buying me gas! I do, but I don't. What I really want is my own job. So that I can afford to put gas in my car without a noticeable mood shift from having departed with most of my last $50. I'm lucky he takes care of me; but I don't want him taking care of me. I want to take care of myself. I feel like less of a human being; like I'm sponging off of him; using him. I hate that feeling.

As soon as I got home I dumped the groceries on the counter. He asked if I got a certain item I'd been wanting. I mumbled no, I didn't have enough money. I left him alone in the kitchen and hid out in the office. A few times he walked in to check on me but I didn't want any company. Least of all from Mr. Catch-22 who has no financial strain or worry.

I hid in the office aimlessly job searching and finding nothing. It soured my mood even more. In the kitchen I heard my phone ringing. Like I wanted to talk to anyone in that moment. I ignored my phone. After awhile one of Daniel's dogs stood beside my chair and stretched her little body up and kept putting her paw on my arm. Stop, she was saying. Come join the rest of us in the living room.

So I did. I apologized to Daniel for my bad mood. He said it was OK. We ate dinner. A little while later I grabbed my phone and saw that the phone call from earlier was a strange LA area code phone number. One I didn't recognize. There was also a message. I went back into the office to listen to the message.

Suddenly I shrieked. I popped back out of the office and ran toward the kitchen to find Daniel in a karate-type defensive pose (a reaction to my shrieking). What the hell? he asked.

Aerospace Company S! I shrieked. They called! They have an open position.

Suddenly my bad mood vanished. I was all smiles. The $30 worth of gas I had just spent was long forgotten.

Daniel wasn't quite as excited as I was. I don't think he wants me to get my hopes up. I can see his point.

This morning I returned the phone call to Aerospace Company S. Left a voice message. Now I'm just on the edge of my seat ... waiting for a callback. Crossing my fingers (toes, eyes, and legs).

Scammed! Hook, line, and sinker

I just got off the phone with my bank having reported my check card lost/stolen and asked for a replacement card. My card is not lost or stolen. I cannot, however, say the same for my dignity.

Never before have I paid attention to internet ads claiming buku bucks can be made from the comfort of your own home. Until today. I stumbled upon an ad/story about a mother in the area who makes $6,000 a month working 10 or 13 hours a week from home. And I fell for it. I paid less than a dollar to have a start-up kit sent to my front door.

What can I say? I'm obviously desperate. When I first began looking for a job I thought people were crazy. There are tons of jobs out there! Because well... there are. I'm only now beginning to realize the magnitude of the unemployment situation. There may be jobs available, this is true. But there are so many people clamoring for a job that I don't even get a nod in my direction when I submit my resume to a job I'm completely overqualified for that pays less than the unemployment check I'm getting. So you can see the allure of the siren song promising $6,000 a month while working at home.

Needless to say, after I'd handed over my check card information to the web site, I began to get suspicious. The comment section at the bottom of the advertisement was oddly optimisitic. There wasn't a naysayer to be found. Then I noticed a clause at the bottom of the comment section that read: Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

It was then I decided to Google 'black belt' and found links such as John's blog warning of the fine print:

http://needmoneyblog.blogspot.com/2010/01/need-money-scam-blackbelt-profit-system.html

"Let's read the Terms and Conditions for Blackbelt Proft and find out "how much" it really costs! Those free trials do cost something.

"When you sign up, you have to give a credit card for an activation fee:
"When you enroll in our membership program we will charge the card the card you provide an activation fee specified on the order checkout page.
"Then comes the big time charge:
"on the following business day, we will charge the same card you provided at enrollment the non-refundable one-year membership fee of $149.95.
"Then, buyers pay every month for the Blackbelt Profit System:
"we charge the Membership Fee to your card and every thirty (30) days thereafter, we will charge your card $4.97 for as long as choose to remain in the Program.
"Those fees are not refundable:
"The annual Membership Fee not refundable. Each Monthly Charge is not refundable.
"To cancel the Blackbelt Profit System, you must call this number: 866-445-4241"

In the comments section of John's blog, there were people that reported having signed up for the starter-kit (idiots such as myself who after having signed up decided to do research) that were unable to contact the company via telephone or e-mail to cancel their 'membership.'

I found another 'review' for the black belt profit system on the Rip-off Report web-page. It was then I decided to cancel my check card and suck up the $.99 loss.

The most egregious thing about this company, in my opinion, is that it's using completely false advertising and targeting people, such as myself, who do not have the money to lose. These people fall for the scam, because - like me - they cannot find a job and are desparate to be making money again. They are desperate to be able to feed themselves and their families. Some asshole who sold his soul to satan is getting rich off poor unemployed suckers such as myself. And we the poor unemployed suckers are digging deeper holes for ourselves trying to get rich quick. I take full responsibility for my idiotic actions that have caused me to lose $.99 plus unspecified costs in loss of dignity.

Hell hath no fury like a stomach scorned

I consider myself lucky to receive subsidized COBRA benefits (even if it's just a crappy HMO), despite the fact that I'm unlucky enough to be unemployed.

When I worked for Aerospace Company X, I did not get paid unless I showed up for work. Thus, I was never sick! Really, though, in the ten months I worked there, I was blessed with good health. Of course a month into unemployment and I'm already on my second illness. Go figure!

I started to get sick early yesterday afternoon. I had a sudden urge to ... go to the bathroom. The ... urge ... continued with every subsequent trip to the bathroom. I didn't think much of it because my stomach is prone to wild mood swings every now and then. Unfortunately about two hours after I started having ... urges ... I suddenly felt a bit like throwing up. I texted Daniel to tell him. He was driving home from work and called to ask if I needed anything at the store. He said he'd make chicken soup when he got home.

Before he got home it took me five heaves to get every last ounce of the sandwhich I'd had for lunch out of my stomach. Every last ounce and then some. I felt so much better after I threw up, I triumphantly lay down on the couch practically patting myself on the back for my good efforts. I thought maybe the sandwich hadn't agreed with me and my body just needed to expel whatever was in my stomach. Then, ever so slowly, the nausea creeped back up toward my throat and an hour later I was throwing up again. The slice of bologna and cheese I had for breakfast along with two cups of coffee was now also expelled from my body, and I realized I probably had the flu.

Let me explain something here: I am not good with throwing up. Give me diarrhea. Give me constipation. Give me stomach aches and pains. Please, please, please do not give me nausea and/or vomiting. I rarely, rarely, rarely throw up after a night of drinking. I don't let myself get that way. I could not remember the last time I'd actually had the stomach flu. Twenty, twenty-two years ago maybe? No clue. My body was obviously making up for the past 20 stomach flu-free years by torturing me with the trifecta of stomach flu symptoms.

After one trip to the bathroom I returned to the kitchen with a plastic grocery bag in my hand. This is a large amount of stomach bile, I said to Daniel. I'm putting this bag in the kitchen garbage. You might want to take the garbage out tonight, I warned. He looked at me questioningly and said, why didn't you just throw up in the toilet? I think our relationship reached a new level of closeness when I told him I had no control over certain other bodily functions when throwing up.

Glumly, Daniel and I discussed the irony of our big shopping trip the night before and the meals we were planning to make all week long considering I had no appetite and couldn't keep anything in my stomach. He began packaging the bulk food we'd bought that we realized would now need to go in the freezer. Do you want me to make chicken soup tonight so you can eat it all day tomorrow? He kindly asked. I'd already declined burgers when he'd made them. The sight and smell of food was making me sick. I didn't think I'd be eating anything the next day considering how I was feeling.

Neither of us knew exactly how sick I was. We just thought I had the flu and it would pass. There wasn't a lot Daniel could do for me as I lay on the couch. He gave me some sort of carbonated see-through beverage that tasted really bland. I tried to sip from the glass. I simply wasn't thirsty even though I knew the hydration level of my body was probably reaching dangerous numbers. I was expelling more water/liquid than I even thought was contained inside a person's body, no less a person who hadn't had anything but coffee to drink all day long. My vomiting became schedulized. Every hour on the hour I'd get up from the couch and disappear down the hall toward the bathroom. And then three hours passed with no urge to vomit. I was convinced that my flu was passing after only four trips to the toilet. So I started sipping bottled water in an attempt to rehydrate.

I told Daniel I wanted to sleep in the guest bedroom so he wouldn't catch the flu. He didn't like the idea of me sleeping in another bed, but finally agreed it was for the best. He picked me up from the coolness of the tile floor in the bathroom where I lay in a heap of sweat with my water bottle at my side and tucked me into bed in the guest bedroom, depositing a small garbage can at my side in case I needed to throw up. Just sleep it off, he said. You'll feel better in the morning.

I think I had been asleep for an hour when I woke up to throw up for the fifth time. It was some time after 10 p.m. By this time, I really had nothing in my stomach. Literally nothing. Everytime my body heaved, my temperature soared and I began to sweat. Sometimes I felt like I was choking on my own bile and would end up swallowing it back down again. I began to get scared.

For some reason, my mind began focusing on Brittany Murphy. (Oddly, earlier that day I'd been watching this really terrible movie she starred in ... The title had 'Love' in it, this much I remember, and the opening scene basically typed out an on-screen disclaimer excusing her for her bad British accent.) I'm not up-to-date on the official details of her death, if they've been released yet, but I kept thinking about how she had passed out in the shower and been declared dead by heart failure at age 32. Later it had been reported that she'd been experiencing flu-like symptoms leading up to her sudden death. Unable to shake the events of Murphy's death from my mind, I was convinced my heart was going to give out, too. This is probably not a rational thought most people would have while trying to get through another round of heaving bile, I recognize that.

The last time I threw up was just before midnight. I pitched a fever as I sat on the toilet, garbage pale in hand, small amounts of bile in garbage can. I couldn't stop throwing up ... the nothing that was in my stomach. I couldn't shake the fever or the sweats. It was starting to go dark in the bathroom. I was on the verge of passing out. Danny! I called from the toilet. I heard him rouse from bed as I again called his childhood nickname. He stuck his head in through the bathroom door. Take me to the hospital, I said. I couldn't even manage to flush the toilet before I spilled onto the ground whimpering and nearly hyperventillating. I was sweating, then suddenly I was freezing cold.

When you have an HMO, you can't just go to any hospital. You have to go to your HMO hospital. I don't live in the same city as Daniel, he doesn't have the same insurance that I have; so we were both at a loss as to the location of the nearest hospital. Suddenly he remembered that there's a Kaiser Permanente building on Beach Boulevard. He swung his truck in the right direction and took me there without delay only to discover it was not a hospital. It didn't even offer urgent care. It was closed. I knew we had a good hour to locate a hospital before I started throwing up again, but we had no clue which hospital location was closest; and my google search on my iPhone wasn't cooperating.

We ended up in the city where I live, a 15 minute drive. As I was explaining my symptoms to a doctor, an admitting nurse stood to his right firing questions at me. Address? Phone number? Emergency contact? Emergency contact relation? Address? Phone number? My heart sank when she asked if I was employed. I gave her a hallow no in response; and then handed over my medical insurance card.

In the ER, I received two litres of IV solution, four shots of anti-nausea medication, and another unexplained shot. They did an ultrasound, drew blood, and did a UA. I was able to swallow four pills of some sort of antibiotic/anti-nausea/anti-acid combination and immediately got shooting stomach pains. The nurse gave me what he called a magical GI cocktail which smelt faintly of grape Kool-aid and was chalky in texture. It was larger than a shot glass and he instructed me to down it. I could only take a few sips a time. I think it was the most putrid, awful medicine I've ever tasted and it made my lips and tongue numb immediately. I refused to down the entire portion I'd been given, but luckily whatever I managed to sip through the straw immediately settled my stomach. I was finally discharged at 4:45 a.m. with a script for antibiotics, anti-acid pills, and anti-nausea pills. I felt so bad for Daniel who was supposed to start work that morning at 4. He sat uncomplaining in a chair by my bedside the entire time.

They weren't exactly sure what was wrong with me. Gastroenteritus? An infection of some sort? My white blood cell count was elevated, suggesting infection. Not just any run of the mill stomach flu after all. While  I was in the emergency room, another person complaining of my exact symptoms was admitted. The ER doc said he'd been seeing two to three cases per night just like mine.

Today I feel better, but better is a relative word. I'm not nauseaous. I can drink water. I have mild stomach pain. And a mild but persistant ... urge ... when I got to the bathroom. I'm thankful for the doctors and nurses who helped me last night, the pharmacists who handed over more drugs today, and mostly Daniel. Because without him right now, I'd be lost.

The first meltdown

As I was saying, all things considered, I think I've been taking this unemployment thing in relative stride. I'm actually known to be a worrier and prone to anxiety. I also take things incredibly personally and although Daniel, who has been working in aerospace for 15 years, explained to me that as a contractor you can't take getting laid off personally (and he's right), the moment I heard I was getting laid off, it was hard for me to not take it personally. Then when I heard the reason I (along with another Admin gal) had been laid off, I was just plain pissed.

Because I've been cutting back, I really haven't been hanging out with anyone except Daniel. As luck would have it, my car needs a new clutch which will cost anywhere from $800 to $1600. That is certainly money I don't need to be spending right now. An ex-coworker contacted me Friday and asked if I wanted to get together this weekend. I knew Cody was aware of my unemployment status. In the past when dining out with Cody, he and I have either split the bill or alternated picking up the bill. The last time we went out we split the bill. But I paid our bar tab before we got to the table (4 drinks = $60 with tip) and then for the movie we went to after dinner. I probably shouldn't have assumed he'd pay for lunch, but I guess I really did. I was prepared to pay my half however, in the event he didn't offer to pick up the tab.

At lunch we gossiped about what's going on at Aerospace Company X and it felt good to hear that people in Cody's department were upset to learn that I and the other Admin gal were let go and that because we are no longer there, it's making parts of their job difficult to accomplish. Hearing that enforced what I knew to be true; that The Talking Head was an idiot and had made a very uninformed decision when eliminating two Admin positions and leaving one guy to do all the work.

At the end of the meal the waitress dropped off the bill - it was $30. Cody grabbed the check presenter (thank God!) and then proceeded to put cash inside and hand it over to me. (Damn.) I opened the check presenter to a $10 bill inside. Are you kidding? I blurted out before I could stop myself. No, that's all the cash I have. You're going to have to cover the rest, he said. Are you kidding? I repeated. Because surely he was just playing a joke. He couldn't expect me to slap down $30 for lunch. I'm unemployed. He shook his head in response to my second 'are you kidding?'. I'm f-ing unemployed, I said. I'll get you next time, he said with a shrug. Like it was no big deal. Like I hadn't bought the last time we'd been out. Like I had the money to pay for both of us! Gimme a break, he added. My girlfriend was just out for two weeks and I spent a lot of money while she was here. I was livid. How is that my problem? I asked.

With more anger than I've had in a long time, I hastily pulled the last $40 cash I had from my purse and put it in the check presenter removing the ten-dollar bill he'd put in. He could see rage in my eyes and mumbled something about needing to go to an ATM. There's one inside the restaurant, I practically spat. Then he offered to put the whole thing on his card and I could give him cash, but at this point I was so f-ing pissed by his insensitivity to my financial situation and his lack of planning and his utter and blatant abuse of our friendship that I didn't want his f-ing money and I didn't want him f-ing paying for anything. I could not believe he would meet me for lunch expecting me to cover his half. Not now. Not while I'm unemployed.

In the end, we walked home in complete silence. We happened by a Bank of America and he got cash and gave me $20. He tried giving me $40, but I was so angry and proud, I refused. Outside my apartment the meltdown began. Before I knew it I was standing on the sidewalk crying explaining to him as nicely as possible how I don't enjoy disputing $8 with a friend. Explaining to him as nicely as possible how I don't have money to buy cotton balls right now let alone pay $18 for lunch, let alone pick up his half of the bill. He understood to a degree. I don't think he understood that what he did was completely insensitive and idiotic. He did say it was completely unfair that I, of all people at Aerospace Company X, lost my job. And he was right about that.

When I got inside I continued crying over my financial woes and over the circumstances in which I lost my job. For the first time since I was laid off, I was visibly upset and I couldn't shake my mood. I texted my friend Clare and told her what happened. Isn't he the guy that used to have a crush on you? she asked. What a way to impress someone that at one time you were clamoring to date.

In the middle of my meltdown I called my mom, which is unusual for me because she and I are not particularly close. Normally my dad would be the first person I'd dial during a meltdown. That's a man for you, she said, not unsympathetically, when I described to her my lunch nightmare and my breakdown over the $8.

Later that night my dad called and I replayed the meltdown for him, too. Honey, your friend is an ass, he said. Everyone knows you don't meet someone at a restaurant without money to cover your half of the bill. He could have put it on his bank card. He blatantly used you.

Gone are the days when I could walk into a grocery store and buy a $4 pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream just because I wanted it. Unless I really need something at the grocery store (and one does someone really need something in these hostile economic times), I don't buy it unless it's under $2 or on sale. Gone are the days when I could go out to any restaurant and not even look at the prices or not even blink an eye to put my check card down and pick up the tab without looking at the bill, without needing to know how much money was in my checking account.

Maybe it's because Cody is young, he's 25, or maybe my dad's right and he is just an ass. (I don't personally believe it's my duty to point out to anyone that social norms dictate that you don't expect a friend who is unemployed to pick up your half of the bill while out for lunch.) Or maybe he just thinks like I did when I was 25. Just put it on a credit card. It's no big deal.