1. I knew I was getting laid off. I wasn't supposed to know, but I knew.
I used to work in Admin for Aerospace Company X who contracts with Aerospace Company Y and is working on a pretty major project in aerospace technology. It was a contract position. My contract was for a year. Or until work ran out, which could be less or more than a year. I had always been pulling for more.
Right before our three week mandatory shutdown for the holidays, my boss, The Talking Head, informed us in a meeting that the budget was looking good. (The budget had not been looking good since sometime back in October.) He estimated that everyone in our department would be able to keep their job until March. My department (of about 25 employees) glanced warily around the room at each other because The Talking Head has no idea what he's talking about. Ever. And that is a known fact within my department and other departments, too.
Oddly, I felt a sense of relief knowing my job would last until March. (A full year!!) I didn't know it then, but I should not have taken The Talking Head at his word. The day that we got back to work after three weeks off with no pay, my friend and coworker texted me and said, Did you hear there are going to be more lay offs? I figured I wasn't on the list if he was texting me. This was the third wave of lay offs since October and every time there had been a lay off I had been on the inside of the information. Every time I knew it was happening and I knew I wasn't on the list. I'm really sorry, he'd said. Rumor is that you are on the list. And I was.
2. I was in bed with my boyfriend when I found out.
Not that kind of 'in bed.' Daniel and I met at Aerospace Company X. We have been dating approaching a year now, I guess. Daniel had plans to stay with me for two weeks after we got back from the holiday shut down. Shift start time at Aerospace Company X for most employees is 5 a.m. I always got there at 4 a.m. Daniel usually arrived around 5 a.m., sometimes later than that. While Daniel would be staying with me, we decided to compromise and arrive at 4:30 because we were going to carpool. I was looking forward to being able to zip to work and back using the carpool lane. Though we'd been dating for months, this was the second time we'd carpooled. Normally we both just drove separately. Ohmigod, I'd said to Daniel when I read the text from my coworker. I'm getting laid off tomorrow. I looked at Daniel trying not cry, he's not exactly Mr. Emotional, but I was scared.
I'd never been laid off or fired from any job since I'd started working at the age of 18. Not ever! Any time I had left a job it had been of my own volition and I'd had another job lined up. Not this time. You're sure, he'd asked. You're sure you're getting laid off tomorrow? My coworker had told me it was rumor, but in my heart I knew it was for sure. Don't worry, Daniel promised. I'll hold your hand through this. We'll get through this together. We'll stay in. We'll cook at home. It will be OK. You'll find another job.
I put on a brave face for Daniel that night, and told him I knew I'd be OK. He was proud of me for being so calm and zen-like. Daniel has this philosophy that everything works out for a reason. I sorta have that philosophy, too. I just didn't think that going from making $1600 a week at Aerospace Company X to $475 on unemployment qualified within that philosophy.
3. It's been an adjustment.
I now rake in $1900 a month on unemployment, just over a quarter of what I used to make at Aerospace Company X. Despite the fact that my rent in the lovely state of California is $1200 for a one-bedroom apartment, I'd actually be OK living off of unemployment for awhile if I didn't have credit card payments to make. I don't have a car payment. I'm unemployed so I don't drive anywhere, thus I rarely put gas in my car. Before I was let go, I'd paid my car insurance in full. I had been trying to pay off my credit cards while bulking up my savings because I knew at some point my job would end. I just hadn't thought it would be that soon.
Normally my checking account hovered safely around $3,000. I actually always felt like I had more money than I knew what to do with which was why I didn't hesitate to buy whatever I wanted at the grocery store or pick up the dinner bill when dining someone I knew made less money than I did. Given that I was off work for three weeks with no pay, and it had been the holidays and I had been traveling and buying Christmas presents for everyone (because I could afford it this year!); by the time I got back to work, I had whittled my checking account down to the scary figure of $200.
I knew I was OK, though. I knew by the end of January that my checking account would be back up to the $3,000 mark. That was the plan anyway. The plan did not include getting laid off, for the record.
In the past few weeks, Daniel has been great. He really has. He always pays when we go out to eat (he always did that anyway), but now he buys me groceries. (He makes nearly double what I made at Aerospace Company X.) He gives me coupons. He offered to buy me toilet paper, paper towels, etc., when he takes a trip to Costco to stock up his own place. I got sick and he bought me throat lozenges and $25-a-bottle allergy decongestant. Truly, I don't know what I'd do without Daniel because I no longer spend any unnecessary money. I don't go out. Ever.
I've stopped drinking coffee which is really jarring to my system because I used to go to Starbucks at least five times a week and then to the local coffee shop every Saturday where I would sit and write. I can no longer afford a four-dollar horchata latte. I now drink coffee at home. With half and half Daniel paid for.
4. There's good stuff, too.
My credit cards now (for the first time ever) are completely off limits. I'm 30-years-old and finally learning to live within my means. Once I pay off my debt, I will never get into credit card debt again. I know this. Incidentally, my debt is not unmanageable. It's enough, though, that I don't have money to do anything and I need to withdraw from savings in order to pay my monthly COBRA payment and/or doctor visit co-payments and prescriptions.
I actually moved to California not to work in aerospace (that just sort of fell into my lap and I'm glad it did because for awhile I was making great money and I met Daniel) but because I wanted to be a writer. Before I moved to California, I had mostly finished my first draft of my first novel. I'd been meaning to finish it once I arrived. Inevitably life and having to make a living got in the way. Now I have all the time in the world to finish my novel.
My mom pointed out to me yesterday when I had my first meltdown since I lost my job, that my life, though jobless, is probably less stressful. I thought about it, and she's right. I no longer wake up at 3 a.m. and go to sleep at 7 p.m. I know it sounds horrific, but getting up that early five days a week is actually more horrific than it sounds. I now have tons of time for exercise. (I'm not saying I actually go running or use my three-year gym membership, I'm just saying I have more time for it.) I don't have the stress of dealing with California traffic and/or the commute. I don't have job stress because I don't have a job!
Through this, I believe, Daniel and I have gotten closer. Maybe that was bound to happen anyway over time, but he's extended himself more than he ever has to me, and I'm not sure that would have necessarily happened if I'd still had my job.
5. There's nothing out there.
I've been looking. I mean, I have to. It's required on the back of the form I have to fill out every two weeks and send in to unemployment in order for me to receive my check. I have to document what jobs I've applied for, at what company, with whom I contacted, and the results. (Uh, none or I wouldn't be filling out this form!)
It's not like I wouldn't look anyway. I don't enjoy having a depleted income. I don't enjoy living off the state (even though I've paid into this - oh have I paid into this.)
I had a phone interview for a technology sales company in Arizona. A company where my friend Kayla works and makes an enormous amount of money. Though I know I'd actually be a great saleswoman if given the opportunity; it's not what I really want to do. I want to write. At any rate, thanks to Kayla's diligence the opportunity arose; so I thought I'd give sales a shot. I attacked the interview process with more gusto than I normally attack anything. Maybe the woman I interviewed with could tell I was faking enthusiasm for the job. I don't know. I was almost relieved when I did not get invited for a face-to-face interview. It just didn't feel like the path I should be taking right now.
Other than my one phone interview, I have been perusing job sites and want ads more than I'd like. (I really just want to finish my novel.) I have found for someone with my experience (My resume reads like the starter section of a restaurant menu - lots of choices, cheap prices, arrives quickly - or in my case doesn't stay long in any one low-paying job) that the only jobs out there would be a pay cut by more than $20 an hour less than what I was making at Aerospace Company X. I would actually be making more staying on unemployment which is certifiably depressing. Aerospace jobs are the slimmest they've been since ... probably ever. To make what I was making at Aerospace Company X, apparently I need 6 years of experience or 4 years plus a Master's degree, at other aerospace companies. This is also certifiably depressing. It's not like what I was doing was Rocket Science.
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