Clearing things up

For the better part of my adult life I have struggled with persistent, annoying, ugly adult acne. Acne far worse than anything I had as a teenager, when my skin was astonishingly clear. Far worse might be an overstatement. But any acne is bad acne when you're used to having fairly clear skin. I will say this, I had become used to having a zit or two at all times. And they weren't just zits. They were like cysts, deeply rooted in the skin, lasting weeks, and almost always scarring my skin. As an adult, that seems severe. Adults aren't supposed to have any acne, are they? (I don't remember my mother having any acne when I was growing up.)

The funny thing is, since I went to the hospital and was sick for a week, I've become lazy. I used to wash my face religiously every morning and every night with $50 a bottle face wash. Now I'm lucky if I wash my face once a day! Sometimes I go days without washing my face. I should mention, however, that I haven't touched makeup since I became sick either. Sometimes I'll swipe a bit of mascara on my eyelashes or dab some tinted lip moisturizer on my lips, but that's it.

Last week when I was sick, I looked in the mirror one day and thought to myself, damn, I need to wash my face. Then I looked a little harder. I really surveyed my face trying to remember when and where the last zit had occurred. I couldn't remember. The other night when Daniel came home from work, I said to him, have you noticed anything different about me lately? He raised an eyebrow in response as if I was trying to trap him into saying something he shouldn't. About my face? I hinted. It's clear, he replied instantly. As long as I've known him, Daniel has always been so kind to point out to me when I have a zit. Even his cube mate noticed my skin and apparently, whenever it was particularly bad, he would ask Daniel if I had my period.

The theory that unemployment (diminished job stress) has cleared my face seemed unlikely to Daniel. Maybe your birth control is finally synced with your body, he said. I know otherwise, though. For years I've worked my ass off sometimes balancing up to three jobs, other times working long hours and subsisting on little sleep. I finally have a break. And my skin is finally clear. It's not rocket science, in my mind.

Being unemployed has taught me to simplify my life and not spend money. Period. What's there to be stressed out about when you're never doing anything ever? When you don't have any social obligations because you don't have the money to attend said obligations? When you're not overspending because you don't have the money?

Unemployment does have its stressors, obviously. Applying for jobs is like beating my head against a wall. Repeatedly. I simply don't get a call from any company I apply to; any job I apply for. The funny thing is, I'm not stressed out about it. I know something will come up; I know something's around the corner. I don't know how long it will take, but I feel like my life is on a precipice right now. A good precipice. So for now I just ride the unemployment waves and enjoy my clear skin like I did when I was a teen.